Lindt Excellence Extra Dark 85% (Lindt)

Brand: Lindt

Calories: 525 (bar)

Calories per gram: 5.25

Price: $3.50

Where I found it: Safeway

Where you can find it: Probably everywhere

Look at the box, guys.  EXCELLENCE.  DARK.  NOIR.  That is some FANCY SHIZ, and of course that means pure awesome, right?  Staring down at you on the shelf at Safeway's, Lindt's 85% offers you 100 grams of EPIC.

Well, this is probably the wimpiest 85% chocolate I've tasted because--I've had 70% chocolate more adventurous than Lindt's 85% right here!  On my climb up the cacao percentages, I was disappointed.  WIMPY, LINDT!

Before someone who drowns him or herself in Lindt's 85% has CHOCOLATE RAGE, I'll describe just how my disappointing experience occurred.

My first impression of the chocolate was favorable: it was a neutral dark, glimmering against the shiny foil, and one square of the bar was big and inviting.  With a dry snap, the smooth chocolate broke off cleanly.  It smelled of dark chocolate, obviously, but it wasn't strong at all--it was subtle.

When I ate it, there was that all-too-familiar taste of "deepness" (I think that's the only way I can describe the darkneess of chocolate) that dark chocolate has, and after the chocolate dissolved, a slight bitter aftertaste.

And that was it.

There was no fantastic fruitiness (not that every dark chocolate has to have it, mind you), there was no lavish woodiness, it was just an expressionless, muted block of dark chocolate.

Well, at least it's low in carbs and has fiber and protein.  Really, if I'm eating a chocolate for nutrition, that's no fun, is it?